02-May-2015 2300

I’m not feeling well. I’m lost. I’m trying to move on but I feel that I hit a wall every other day.

Today started out well. I planned a nice quiet day for myself. I was convinced that I would drink myself to oblivion but instead, I pigged out on two pizza pies and wings. I had a beer and a half. That was it, a beer and a half. I couldn’t even motivate myself to drink myself into oblivion.

I work tomorrow. It will be a busy one and I will be preoccupied with whatever is thrown at me. I’m looking forward to the next few days. It’s when I’m idle that it is hardest. I think my visit to the kids also plays a part in my malaise. I love them and miss them. It feels good visiting them but when I leave I fall into such a funk.

It’s not healthy for me to be friendless. All of my friends are online friends. It’s not a bad thing but it’s not what I need. I need to be a part of people lives. I need to be there for them and for myself. I don’t know if that will ever change.

For now, I will sleep. I’m not doing anyone any good by being up and being depressed. I need to sleep. I need to forget what’s transpired over the last few months and sleep.

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