I’ve been off for the past two weeks. I’ve worked my three long days and have spent the balance of my days either sleeping or scrolling endlessly on the internet. I’ve not written, I’ve done some exercising but not as much as I had planned and have caught up on a handful of films that I’ve wanted to see for some time.
Ideally I would have exercise at least three times a day, written more, and caught up on more than just a handful of films. And TV shows. Did I mention TV shows?
I would like to change this tonight. I haven’t been able to right my sleep so I am forced to do my chores in the middle of the night. That’s not a bad thing, though. It allows me to do things in the relatively quiet and safe darkness, things I prefer. But it doesn’t feel normal.
Normal to me would be to get up during the wee hours of the morning and hit the pavement; get things done while the sun is out and people are mulling about. That is virtually impossible for me to do because of my current work schedule. I begin work on Fridays at 7 PM each week. Three days, twelve hours. My work week ends on Monday at 7 AM. I prefer it. What I don’t prefer is how my body decides how it wants to spend the rest of the week. It needs to change. I need to change.
Tonight, at 11 PM, I will head out. I will clean the house. I will head out to the 24 hr laundromat and get some clothes cleaned. While doing that, I will watch a movie or a TV show. I will shop for food. I’ll hit the gym before dawn. By 9 AM tomorrow morning, I will sleep. My life. I must stop trying to be “normal” because this is my normal. Trying to be someone who works 5 days a week and 8 hour days is not me. Never will be.
That is the truth.