There are those moments in the day when I agree with you. Things wouldn’t work between us even if we tried. But then there other moments when I believe there is something there, something bigger than the both of us and that we are meant to be together. Those moments scare me since I don’t truly know if you feel the same way. I’d hate to be alone in this.

Sometimes I get sad. I’m sad because I was willing to give so much to be with you. But what is it really that I have to give? I’m not far from being a pitiful old man who craves attention. I fell ass-backwards into a profitable career. The people who once had unlimited patience with me are long gone. I can only give myself and my heart and I wouldn’t blame you if you said it was not enough.

So I lie here in the dark with less than five hours left to sleep and I think of you. I hope you’ve eaten today and that people have been kind to you. I hope your anxiety is in check and that you’re thinking of me too.

Writing For The Sake Of Writing

Today was a rough day.

It started during the early hours of the day. I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. I aborted, got up and went for the TV remote. There was nothing on so I turned the TV off and stared into space for what felt like hours. I thought about nothing in particular. Eventually I drifted to sleep without a say in the matter.

A few hours later, I awoke. I took my MacBook Air outside to the deck and began writing. It was cold so I put a hooded sweater on. I wrote of nothing in particular. The words that flowed formed coherent sentences but meant nothing when grouped together in paragraph form. It was disheartening.

I abandoned my efforts, went back inside and back to bed. I kept drifting in and out of sleep. Briefly I dreamt of sea turtles.